What happens when crucial workplace conversations don’t go well?
Crucial workplace conversations. Dialogues. Discussions. Chit-chats. At work, most of us will “talk” (or email/message) multiple times per day – if not endlessly in meetings.
Some of this talking is meaningful for various reasons, and other times it is not.
Some of this talking is easy for various reasons, and sometimes it’s hard.
Sometimes, we anticipate and embrace our interactions with others, and other times we try to avoid them at all costs.
What happens on email, is another story!
So when we need to have these crucial workplace conversations, what happens?
Crucial workplace conversations: The communication challenge(s)
When we consider important communication exchanges in our workplaces, or more broadly in our organisations, challenges abound. Some of us may not feel like we are included in the conversations we want/need/should be involved in. Or we feel that our viewpoint/opinions are not heard. Sometimes, questions are asked in a way that makes it difficult to share one’s opinions; we feel vulnerable, threatened even. Some of us feel that the important issues are left under the table, while others are manoeuvred around.
And when we are in the hot seat and charged with considering important issues or decisions, many of us will consult with those who we may think could help us – working our way through these trusted consultations one by one. But, we will probably think twice, or avoid completely, consulting with anyone who we suspect may work against us or be ‘difficult’ to deal with. Many of us may feel uncomfortable having differing or dissenting voices in one place, and then feel inadequate about the need for an immediate response in such situations. Matters of confirmation bias exist, along with perceptions around whose voice is listened to more than others.
Speaking with a Generation Z young woman recently, she shared how she was amazed at just how much “corporate speak” was evident in meetings and conversations she was having in her first year in the workforce post university. Her puzzlement was evident as she wondered why people didn’t speak more plainly. “So much is left in guessing-land!”
And then there are those meetings where bosses do all the talking. Yes, one-sided conversations are frustrating. They may ask for input and wonder why little is shared. There are those that talk regularly and those that remain quiet. And then at the end of these discussions, they might ask “is everyone clear?”- to which everyone responds with a nod. What really exists in the minds of each attendee remains a mystery and the chances of it being different for everyone would be close to 100% (my guess only)!
Are you starting to see the importance of and the frustrations that arise from crucial workplace conversations and dialogues? It can often be an overlooked challenge in many organisations.
Let’s take a closer look at the words we use around the interchange of ideas, opinions and thoughts in our workplaces and organisations
In the English language, we rely upon very different words when referring to conversations. Dictionaries show that various similar terms all have slightly different, and yet similar, meanings. And of course, each of us have personal takes on what they mean to us based on our unique experience and interpretation.
“Conversation” is commonly defined as ‘an informal interchange of thoughts often between two or more people’.
The word “conversation” almost suggests a sense of a warm connection between those involved. “Dialogue” may feel more formal where there is an exchange of ideas and opinions on a particular topic, and where some form of agreement may emerge. “Discussions” can be an examination of arguments (pro and con).
And yes,
…with the exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas, we had enough talk but no conversation; there was nothing discussed.
“Consultation” is about asking for advice or specific (or expert) information. The word “debate” has that sense of tension about it (in differing degrees depending on one’s culture) and can involve a systematic contest of speakers where two opposing views are advanced. “Chatting” suggests a familiar and casual conversation, and we all know about “gossip”.
What would be desirable characteristics of important “conversations”?
So, gleaning the best concepts of the above definitions, I would propose that important “conversations” hold the following characteristics (to name a few):
- The focus is, specifically, the important issue where there is a collective interest and/or impact, and that it is not left “under the table”.
- Good, open, clear questions are asked. These questions should help everyone explore the issue at hand from various angles as well as questions that help guide how decisions or considerations are made.
- They are inclusive and all voices are listened to. Bringing in relevant and expert voices is also important.
- Inviting differing viewpoints even if they are seemingly opposing and may create debate. Holding the tension of opposites can be part of the journey to finding the best way forward.
- Exchanges build relationships and connections rather than create insecurities, and lastly…
- People need to feel safe to speak up and share their viewpoints.
But ….
We stay silent for many reasons. Each of us has our own story.
Many people value their desire to be accepted more than their need to say exactly what they think. Many struggle with the uncomfortable emotions we experience when we think that what we say will potentially upset the other person.
Power dynamics make this more complicated too, particularly as we also fear what we could lose if those who have perceived power over us do something we fear – like make our work life difficult, or hold our career back in some way.
When discussing teams, Amy Edmondson adds to this when she talks about why some team members do not speak up – a barrier, she says, to true teaming.
“When leaders fall into a default “do it my way” management style, it silences nearly everyone except the person with the loudest voice or the largest office. But silence in today’s economic environment is deadly. Silence means good ideas and possibilities don’t bubble up, and problems don’t get addressed.”
(Edmondson, Amy.C. (2012), p 63)
Susan Cain, says the following in her 2012 TED talk:
“… groups famously follow the opinions of the most dominant or charismatic person in the room, even though there’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas – I mean zero.”
So, what does not go well in crucial workplace conversations?
Real issues are avoided or not addressed properly. Best ideas are lost. People feel insecure, if not alienated and bosses feel frustrated – to name a few of the consequences when crucial conversations do not go well.
So, how can we get all the voices we need around specific issues and challenges into the mix? How can we cherish diversity, be more respectful and tap the minds of many to get better and more robust outcomes? How can we entice our people to share their best ideas and considerations, and get them really engaged. Ensuring crucial conversations are effective is an imperative – especially in today’s world!
What needs to shift in our leadership practice as we hold, enable and support others around these important conversations? What needs to shift within us in order to truly participate in these conversations as well? Are there some valuable processes, administrated well, that could help? How can we move pass commonplace work conversations and towards the ones we long for? … ones that make a difference?
More in my next blog, but meanwhile, your comments, musings, questions and reflections would be welcomed.
References
Cain, Susan, (2012), “The Power of Introverts”, TED Talk.
Edmondson, Amy C. (2012), “Teaming: How Organizations Learn, Innovate, and Compete in the Knowledge Economy“, Jossey-Bass, San Francisco
Dr Robyn Wilson focuses on helping leaders tackle the change and challenges they face and journeys with them as they, their teams and organizations navigate these with the aim of becoming stronger, gaining more clarity and with strengthened relationships and personal capability. She is the founder of Praxis Management Consulting.
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