That Elusive Perfect Meeting!
If we are truthful to ourselves, that elusive perfect meeting is most probably a figment of our imagination. It’s either – literally – a distant memory of a team experience that made us feel empowered, or we imagine what meetings might be like in those cool companies we have heard much about.
Even if we are in charge with all the responsibility in our hands, the frustrations can still abound. If only everyone would talk, and talk about the issues at hand and not just present their needs when asked, or to defend their actions. These meetings tend to end up being very formal.
What we often do not realise is that that perfect meeting may be closer to reality that we imagine! We all sense what these meetings could feel like but often its elusive or we have the inability to get the meeting into “that place”. It frustrates us. And poor meetings abound. We can all make suggestions for improvement. If only the chairperson would …. or others at the meeting would … (do something different to what they are doing).
There are so many expectations around meetings including what they are for, how everyone should behave and what a successful meeting should feel like. The trouble is that that perfect meeting looks different in everyone’s mind!
So, how can we make our meetings work better?
Much has been written about this topic (and references are included below), and yet poor meetings abound! [1] [2] However, there are three aspects that could make a tremendous difference to the outcome of the meetings we participate in:
- Focusing on others, rather than our own need,
- Not being afraid to have the conversations that matter, and
- Understanding what stops us from doing the above.
By reframing our mindset, it will affect what we are prepared to do (or not), how we may choose to view others and their views, and how we respond to them.
Choosing to Focus on Others
There can be multiple purposes happening in a meeting. The collective purpose is one thing, but we also hold our own purposes (whether we acknowledge it or not), while others hold theirs. We all hold responsibilities and perspectives, and to be successful, we need to engage others in order to make things happen.
When we meet resistance, we tend to work harder at making our argument more compelling. When we are called to meetings where we are not engaged by others, we get bored and wonder why we are present.
Tremendous benefits can be discovered for everyone (including ourselves) if we turn our focus away from ourselves and focus on others. Covey concurs.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood (Covey’s Habit 5)
We can choose to work to understand others at all meetings by asking ourselves the following questions:
- What matters to each person at the meeting? How are they motivated? What is their style of thinking? What values do they hold? What are their needs? [3]
- What are they really saying (including what they are not saying)?
- What are their perspectives and views?
- How can we best connect with them?
- How can we best help them be successful?
- If they are upset or being “difficult”, what might be causing this rather (than judging the behavior)?
If we do this, we just may find that everyone becomes more engaged in the conversations that occur at our meetings. We may also find that we will understand, more clearly, what matters to everyone and how to best influence them. And, we may even find that everyone listens to us and helps us with what we need to achieve.
Choosing to have Conversations about what Matters [4]
In some ways, everyone is surprised that many conversations at meetings seem to “beat around the bush”, so to speak. Often, the elephant stands in the corner of the room. And yet, there is a reluctance to name the elephant. This adds to our frustrations about meetings.
The added challenge of these conversations comes when more people are involved. We have different personalities, think differently and hold different responsibilities. So, we need some guidelines to help keep these conversations useful and rich. Resorting to many meeting formalities tends to kill the energy and engagement around these conversations.
Here are a few guidelines that may help:
- Let’s use more adjectives to describe why we are all talking together. [5] If we are meeting to make specific decisions, describe the meeting as such. If we are meeting to explore new concepts around a new project, say so.
- Let’s speak plainly and clearly. [6] The use of corporate jargon abounds. Are we on the same page? What does that really mean? And how do you really know if we have achieved it? The chances are that everyone has a different understanding of what that same page looks like. There are many other examples of corporate jargon, but the point is clear.
- Let’s be respectful and inclusive, listen deeply, ask questions, and seek clarity for the benefit of everyone. Often issues left unattended with the hope someone will address them. Some questions that might help could include:
- What is the purpose of this meeting? [7]
- What really are the issues at hand?
- Have we got the right people at this meeting?
- What is the right thing to do?
- How might we ….?
- Are we solving the right problem?
- Who are the stakeholders that are impacted by ….?
The power of robust conversations is when everyone contributes to the thinking that needs to be done while helping each other with that thinking. Complex problems get solved this way, amongst other things.
What Stops Us?
How often do we go to meetings with our own agenda? We need our proposals accepted, or our products bought. We want to look like we are doing our job well while being responsible. Our values also regulate our behaviour, as does our insecurities. Unfortunately, we tend to opt to protect ourselves (often unconsciously). For example, if we have a need to be seen as competent, we may defend our position rigorously (while not listening to other’s view), or we may not ask questions that may risk us looking silly (incompetent), so we remain silent. Another example is – if we feel we need to maintain control, we may steer the conversation in a certain direction and limit the contribution of others.
At meetings, we do need to discuss the real issues at hand, and engage everyone in the process. It does behove us to be self-aware about what is regulating our behavior and how our behavior is impacting others.
Our lack of specific skills may also stop us achieving useful meetings. These may include the abilities to listen deeply and facilitate an inclusive conversation.
Imagine – That perfect meeting!
Imagine, a meeting where we are clear about its purpose and form. Meetings where the right people are present and everyone is listened to. Meetings where diversity is embraced and adds tremendous value and perspectives to the quality of conversation. Meetings where great collaborations occurs, everyone is speaking clearly and plainly, and decisions are made when its appropriate. Meetings where relationships are strengthened and everyone grows in understanding about themselves and everyone else present. Meetings where everyone is making a difference!
So, let’s do our part! With more people involved, it may not all happen at once, and everyone can add value by taking turns.
How can we make a difference at our meetings? The secret may well be found in deciding to dare to focus on what matters to others around the table while having the conversations that really need to be talked about!
References
1. Gallo, Amy (2015), “The Condensed Guide to Running Meetings”, 6th July, https://hbr.org/2015/07/the-condensed-guide-to-running-meetings
2. Schwarz, Roger (2015), “How to Design an Agenda for an Effective Meeting”, 19th March, https://hbr.org/2015/03/how-to-design-an-agenda-for-an-effective-meeting
3. McKee, Annie (2015), “Empathy Is Key to a Great Meeting”, 23rd March, https://hbr.org/2015/03/empathy-is-key-to-a-great-meeting
4. Golsby-Smith, Tony (2011), “Hold Conversations, Not Meetings”, 15th February, https://hbr.org/2011/02/hold-conversations-not-meeting
5. Pittampalli, Al (2015), “Stop Calling Every Conversation a Meeting” 3rd November, https://hbr.org/2015/11/stop-calling-every-conversation-a-meeting
6. Incentivizing proactive synergistic visions, going forward, OxfordWords blog, http://blog.oxforddictionaries.com/2012/05/corporate-jargon/
7. Morley, Karen (2015), “Make meetings matter – focus on purpose and trust”, 7th Sept, https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/make-meetings-matter-focus-purpose-trust-karen-morley
No Comments