Note to Self: We Are Still In a Pandemic
We are still in the midst of a pandemic. And I’m not sure about you, but for me, my days, weeks and months (and time is blurring) are filled with a curious mixture of emotions. There are times when I’ve felt strong and times when I’ve felt weak – and sometimes at the same time. I’m thankful and frustrated, grounded and vulnerable, hopeful and numb, inspired and frustrated – just to name a few.
The other day, I was participating in a peer supervision session. I was in a safe place with good people. We started by checking in with each other – a very valuable process. Two of the group were in Australia experiencing recent lockdowns in Sydney, one was in Canada where vaccination rate is high and where he was out on location with clients and doing workshops in person, and I’m in Singapore – where we have been living with various restrictions since March last year and where vaccination rates are climbing very quickly and where all my work is currently virtual, operating from my home office and speaking to people across Asia and Europe.
And I found myself noticing my reactions to our collective check in. Rumbling in the background in my head were divergent and different storylines:
“I hear people whinge about having to wear a mask for a few weeks, while others I know are fearful for their families welfare. I know people desperate to get back to their home country (yes, including Australia), while I also know people who flip in and out when they feel like having a holiday! I could go on but most importantly, I’m finding I’m reacting. I’m tired and much of this is now poking my sensibilities and values!”
The thought of flying as well as walking into an in-person workshop had me do a shiver. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand I miss it, but on the other hand I noted my discomfort.
It reminded me of an article co-written by Amy Edmondson (2021) on psychological safety in the emerging hybrid working world and how everyone’s sense of safety and preferences differ as well the social awkwardness of it all.
I know there is a need for heightened empathy these days, and in my work I’m so aware of doing the hard work prior to work sessions to ensure I’m prepared. But when I’m not being vigilant, I’m finding that in some situations empathy is getting hard to do. Empathy is hard because we are tired and exhausted (and in ways we ourselves may not truly understand).
As our peer supervision conversation continued after I shared my feelings and thoughts, one of the group responded beautifully.
“You have raised something I have been wondering about and am curious about. I’m not hearing much of what you are sharing. When I ask the questions – how are you? And how is this latest situation affecting you? there is a general sense of business as usual. I don’t believe it and it feels like there is denial here. Robyn, your genuine felt experience seems more real than what many are prepared to say.“
Then another in our group made this observation.
“Given we are here because we are interested in team coaching, it makes me think about teams … I wonder what is happening in teams? If you bring all this into a team environment, what’s going on? How would it be handled?“
So, what is happening with you? What might be happening for others around you? What might be happening in your team?
At the end of the day, we can only control what we can personally control for ourselves. We cannot control how others feel or what they do. So, I have penned a list of the more simple things we can do and remind ourselves about. Remember, oxygen to self before oxygen to others.
9 grounding reminders and activities
These are my thoughts today, and I would really love to hear what others suggest too 🙂
1. It’s not a comparative game
Note to self: I know I find myself thinking “I cannot complain because there are people suffering worse than me”. While, to a degree, that is true, it is important that everyone’s emotions are acknowledged and without judgment.
2. It’s okay to be human
Another note to self: It’s okay to feel and think about all this – or not. Not everyone is the same, and different situations bring different responses out of us. I’m sure frustrations abound and conversations are clumsy and that is okay. We are not perfect nor need to be saints.
3. People are losing different things and grief is lurking
Remember, what people are losing during this pandemic is different for everyone. Whether it be dreams or people we care for. Whether it be for a lifestyle we enjoyed, a job, separation from family, missing significant life events with family and friends, an office environment that made us feel like we were contributing, missing those rare quiet moments because you are also homeschooling children or similarly dining out. No matter the size of the loss, no matter how we deal with the associated grief or not, everyone is different. Given how long this pandemic has been going on for, this issue can pop up at unexpected times. And let’s not assume we know what it is for others. Let’s make it safe for them to share and have their experience acknowledged (remember point one).
4. Be there for each other whether in sunshine or rain
… and we do not have to talk all the time. Be there. Be available. Be a good listener. Remember, sun showers? It can rain and be sunny at the same time for someone.
5. Take a social media break
Find ways to message directly with people. Use the telephone (and not video platforms). Avoid social media and “seeing” how the rest of the world is living. You will be getting a rosy picture without their truths.
6. Regulate your news feed
Think about how much news is necessary for you and try to avoid the on-going, 24-hour news feed.
7. Get your feet into the soil/sand (or the equivalent)
There is something about putting your bare feet directly on the ground, in the soil or sand. It’s the same with your hands. Get them dirty. There are other activities that are very grounding like reading a novel, painting/drawing a picture, jumping into a puddle, fixing something physical, walking through nature with a good friend, swimming (connecting with the water), running in the rain (only if no lightening), planting some seedlings, playing an instrument, watching a sunrise/sunset, watching birds or kids play, cooking something – or better still, cook something to share with your neighbours.
8. Take time to contact different people in your network
We do not have to do this all the time, but be deliberate. Identify the people you want to check in with. A few months back, I received a text from a dear friend/colleague and it said – “Please send proof of life. ” We hadn’t spoken for a few months, and this message brought a smile to my face. We then exchanged video messages. What he did not know was I was struggling a bit that day. If we do this across countries, don’t assume what you think it would be like where they are. Freedom Day in the UK may not be that for everyone.
9. Acts of kindness
Let’s be kind to each other. If empathy is a bridge too far, let’s be kind. Little thoughtful acts go a long way for both parties. Smile at people you pass (even if wearing a mask because if you smile, your eyes do as well).
I am very confident you all have things you are doing during this pandemic as we are both looking after ourselves as well as being there for the people around us. Listen, be gently curious and be kind. You never know what that may mean for someone else.
We’ve all got this!
Reference:
Edmondson, A. & Mortensen, M. (2021), “What Psychological Safety Looks Like in a Hybrid Workplace”, Harvard Business Review, April 19th 2021.
Dr Robyn Wilson focuses on helping leaders tackle the change and challenges they face and journeys with them as they, their teams and organizations navigate these with the aim of becoming stronger, gaining more clarity and with strengthened relationships and personal capability. She is the founder of Praxis Management Consulting.
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