7 things to do instead of making New Year’s resolutions
This is NOT a “Let’s Make Our New Year’s Resolution” Blog
“Depending on where you get your numbers, somewhere between 81 percent and 92 percent of New Year’s Resolutions fail.” 1. (Clear, James)
They don’t work. We stay with them for a few days … or a few weeks if we are lucky. They are usually ill conceptualised, and vague at best. And everyone writes about how best to set them, give you their best 10 tips or use this time of year to sell their goods and services while managing – somehow – to weave them into their advice about New Year resolutions.
Well, isn’t that what I’m about to do? You might ask. Yes and no.
Yes, it’s about being intentional if seeking to make some change in your life/career.
No, it’s not specifically about New Year resolutions.
And no, I’m not selling my wares but giving a shout out to others who have my respect.
Chasing aspirations
I’ve collected some wisdom from last year, insights that have helped nudge me as I’ve sought to make some changes in my life/career. So, this blog is not about New Year resolutions per se, it’s about the change in the life you seek. You can do any of these things at any time during the year.
In essence, setting resolutions is not about setting tasks to be completed, but it is about becoming who you wish to be, and this includes understanding and being led by your values, having the right mindset, finding guiding principles and understanding your own aspirations (and not those suggested by others or society).
Here is my list of wisdom.
7 things to do instead of making New Year’s resolutions
1. James Clear: Habit Changing
James Clear is the author of “Atomic Habits” and the popular 3-2-1 newsletter (with over 1 million readers). In his 1st January 2021 3-2-1 newsletter, he shared some thoughts from his book:
“Improvements are only temporary until they become part of who you are.The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader.
The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner.
The goal is not to learn an instrument, the goal is to become a musician.
This year, focus on the identity you want to build.”
He also has written a fabulous blog “5 Common Mistakes That Cause New Habits to Fail” with practical insights he has gained from two years worth of researching and writing about the science of behaviour change. It is worth a read.
2. Liz and Mollie; Drop the “Should”
“Liz and Mollie” aka Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy are the authors of “No Hard Feelings: The secret Power of Embracing emotions at Work”, a wonderful book that explores how we best embrace our emotions in the workplace and as we seek to become more authentic as leaders and professionals.
They have a great Instagram account that is worth following, and posted the following on 8th December 2020:
“Do you ever feel like your “shoulds” control you? “I should start meditating” or “I should have a cleaner apartment.” These types of statements are unhealthy: you’re putting yourself down, and not giving yourself any opportunity to improve.
The next time you catch yourself saying “should,” stop and try: “I want to start meditating.” “I want to have a cleaner apartment.” If the statement still feels true, try to figure out the first smallest step you can take. And if it doesn’t, drop it, and move on with things you actually want to invest in instead.”
Ref: Instagram: @lizandmollie (8th Dec 2020)
3. Dr. Tasha Eurich: Guiding Values
Tasha Eurich is an organisational psychologist and the author of “Insight: The Power of Self-Awareness in a Self-Deluded World”. She believes that self awareness is the superpower for the 21st Century.
Self-awareness seems to have become the latest management buzzword — and for good reason. Research suggests that when we see ourselves clearly, we are more confident and more creative. We make sounder decisions, build stronger relationships, and communicate more effectively. We’re less likely to lie, cheat, and steal. We are better workers who get more promotions. And we’re more-effective leaders with more-satisfied employees and more-profitable companies. (Eurich, Tasha (2018))
In a recent Instagram post, Tasha Eurich wrote the following:
“Values define the kind of person we want to be and how we want to be remembered. For that reason, they are the cornerstone of self-awareness.
As we enter 2021 (WE MADE IT YOU GUYS 🥳🍾🎉), we have an excellent opportunity to think about how our values will shape the year ahead.”
She shared her top two values, and then asks the following:
“What are your key values and how are they shaping your plans for 2021?”
Tasha Eurich has an online course called “The Future Ready Leader” which takes you through many lessons to help you build your self awareness – based on her research. This is a course I’ve subscribed to and it is proving valuable.
4. Dr. Jason Fox: One Word- a Contextual Beacon
Dr Jason Fox is “a wizard-philosopher masquerading as a leadership advisor”. He is a much sought-after speaker (regularly winning awards) and thought leader. With a research background in motivational design, he brings fresh thinking to the domain of leadership.
“Why do you need a Word?
You don’t, hoho. But if you seek new motivation, meaning and enchantment in your life—if you seek meaningful progress and the realisation of relevance—you may want to find one. Even if you are the super sceptical sort too clever for conventional self development. Perhaps, especially so.” (Fox, Jason (2019))
As written up by Nickey Champ (2018), Dr Fox suggested the following to the business meeting he was addressing:
““[C]hoose one word to serve as a fuzzy contextual beacon for that if should you wander off track – and you will wander off track – that it will pull you back in line with your intention,” Fox said.
“If I asked you what might your word be for the year ahead, you’ll have a functional word that won’t quite have the sharpness and stickiness yet, but it’s a good starting point.”
….
“I had one person come up to me and say, ‘I think my word is ‘focus’ but I’m not sure’ – and I said, ‘Hmm have a think about that.’ They later came back to me and said, ‘My word is ‘Hunter.’ Hunters need to be able to focus when hunting prey, but they also need to rely on their wit and be aware of their surroundings to be able to survive and adapt.”‘
“So I wonder what your word might be? Think of a ritual that you might want to rekindle or create. Think about some of your self-sabotaging behaviours that you might want to change.””
While, in the above context, it was a meeting at the end of a year, choosing one word is not limited to a ritual conducted at the beginning of year. You are free to do this at any time – particularly if it’s useful to you and your aspirations.
Dr. Jason Fox has an online course called “The ‘Choose One Word’ Ritual of Becoming.” I’m very enticed by this and it’s high on my list!
5. Dr. Brené Brown: Fun; Side Benefits Abound – though it’s not the point
Brené Brown is a well known professor, researcher, author, speaker and podcaster. She shared in one of her recent podcasts (Brown, B (2020)) about rediscovering the concept of fun. She had written about it in one of her early books, “The Gifts of Imperfection”
I came across this quote by Stuart Brown. “The opposite of play is not work. The opposite of play is depression.”
Stuart Brown, MD, is a play researcher.
[Stuart] Brown explains how respecting our biologically programmed need for play can transform us and renew our sense of excitement in life.
She explains that she totally understands how this concept could be the basis for an anxiety attack for many go-getters and high achievers but as she says, you can’t ignore the research. It tells us:
“Play – doing things just because they’re fun and not because they’ll help achieve a goal—is vital to human development.” (Brown, B (2014))
Brown believes that play is at the core of creativity and innovation. And wholehearted adults play! It can mean “anything that makes us lose track of time and self-consciousness, creating the clearing where ideas are born”.
So, here is Brené Brown’s dare- something that you can respond to at any point in time.
THE DARE
Create a play list. Write down three activities you could do for hours on end. Mine are reading, editing photos on my computer and playing Ping-Pong with my family.
Now carve out time on your calendar. Even when I’m busiest, I schedule unstructured time. It’s important to protect playtime the way you protect work, church or PTA meetings.
Play well with others. When my husband and kids made their own play lists, we realized that our usual vacations, which involved sightseeing, weren’t really anyone’s idea of play. So now we go places where we can hike, swim and play cards – things that make us all our most silly, creative and free-spirited selves.
(Brown, B (2014))
6. Calvin & Hobbes: “Let’s Go Exploring!”
I’ll let this wisdom from Calvin & Hobbes speak for itself 🙂
Let’s Explore! This is a great mindset to have as you never know what you will find.
Note: check out the backstory.
7. Michael Bungay Stanier: Live brilliantly
And lastly something I am doing… and loving!
Back at the end of July 2020, I discovered this gem. It’s a free online course designed and curated by Michael Bungay Stanier (aka MBS), author of the “The Coaching Habit” and “The Advice Monster”.
I embarked on this course, keen to find new thinkers and perspectives, and discovered that it has provided the subtle nudges I’ve needed as I start to pivot and venture into new domains of activity. And I’m loving it. The extra surprise that has come with this course is the community and the interaction that happens. MBS doesn’t ask much of us except to really reflect on the weekly content gems, integrate and reflect every six weeks, write a reflection in the comments and comment on someone’s post. It’s all very doable – even within a busy life. The cadence of one a week works like a charm.
So, the following is from his “The Year of Living Brilliantly”:
Here’s what happens every week …
We release one short video from a new teacher
Teaching something important, impactful, and actionable
I send a teaching email
Guiding and helping you extract the very best of the video lesson
A community supports you
With opportunities to learn and engage with others (if you want)
He has lined up amazing teachers and it’s beautifully curated. And did I mention it? It’s free!
In Summary
While I write this blog in January at the beginning of a new year, we can choose to initiate change in our lives at any point in time. It is for us to listen for these times, the right time within the seasons of our lives.
What I have hoped to share with you is some wisdom from leading thinkers about what can guide you when this time for change is with you. Some of this wisdom includes ways to approach thinking about how to frame your direction setting and accountability nudges (Clear, Eurich, Fox and MBS), adopting the right mindset (Calvin & Hobbes), while also offering some “do not forgets” (lizandmollie, Brown).
Pick what is right for you. Explore what is not immediately natural for you. And lastly, I invite you to share what works, including wisdom from others.
All the best!
Footnotes
- There are several studies and articles quoting either a 90 percent or 92 percent failure rate. I’ll go with the 81 percent failure rate, which comes from a research study by psychology professor John Norcross. He tracked the success rate of New Year’s resolutions over a two-year span.
References
Bungay Stanier, Michael (2019), “The Year of Living Brilliantly”, online course (free).
Brown, Brené (2010), “The Gifts of Imperfection : Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are”, Hazelden, Center City, Minnesota
Brown, Brené (2014), “Brené Brown: The Very Best Resolution You Can Make This Year”, O, The Oprah Magazine, January 2014
Brown, Brene (2020), “On My Mind: RBG, Surge Capacity, and Play as an Energy Source”, Unlocking Us Podcast, September 23, 2020.
Canva, Michael (2020). “‘Calvin and Hobbes’ said goodbye 25 years ago. Here’s why Bill Watterson’s masterwork enchants us still”, Washington Post, 31st December 2020.
Champ, Nicky (2018), “Dr. Jason Fox on the one word you need in 2019 – Forget making New Year’s resolutions you won’t keep…”, Business Chicks
Clear James, “5 Common Mistakes That Cause New Habits to Fail”,
Clear, James (2018), “Atomic habits : tiny changes, remarkable results : an easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones”, Avery, New York
Clear, James, “3-2-1 Newsletter”, To subscribe to his newsletter, here’s the link.
Eurich, Tasha (2017), “Insight : the power of self-awareness in a self-deluded world”, Crown Business, London
Eurich, Tasha (2018), “What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It)”, Harvard Business Review, 4th January 2018.
Fosslien, L & Duffy, MW (2019), “No hard feelings : the secret power of embracing emotions at work”, Portfolio, New York
Fox, Jason (2019), “Heralding your Word; An act of manifesting”, 31st Dec 2019.
Dr Robyn Wilson focuses on helping leaders tackle the change and challenges they face and journeys with them as they, their teams and organizations navigate these with the aim of becoming stronger, gaining more clarity and with strengthened relationships and personal capability. She is the founder of Praxis Management Consulting.
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